I’ve had a few requests for an anger management blog post so alas, I decided to write one. I wish I could include all components of anger management but that would be a very long post.
Anger management issues don’t plague just one gender, class, sexuality, or race. It is something anyone can go through in their lives. So no one is alone. Statistically men are more likely to have anger management issues however it isn’t uncommon for a women to need help in this area.
Anger is a natural human emotion and only becomes a problem when it is felt too intensely, felt too frequently, or expressed inappropriately.
For this blog post I decided to write on one of my favorite anger management components which is Self-Talk.
Self-talk is the conversation going on in your head. It is the thoughts we speak to ourselves. It is similar to your conscience, which focuses on helping you see “good” from “bad”, and a plethora of other things.
Self-talk can be both positive and negative. An example of positive self-talk is pumping yourself up. For example before playing a game, going into a test, or at the start of a big day you think to yourself, “I’ve got this!”
Well, negative self-talk is the opposite. This is when we put ourselves down with thoughts like “I can’t do anything right!” or “I am useless!” Self deprecating thoughts like this can lead to lowered self-esteem, pent up anger, and eventually anger management issues.
Another example of negative self-talk is “mind-reading” other people, “They think I’m a joke and have no respect for me.”
Positive<Negative: The Seeds of Anger
All of us have the ability to have positive and negative thoughts. It is a common, everyday occurrence for all of us. Not having anger issues does not mean that you never speak to yourself in a negative way. We are human so it will happen and both types of thoughts keep us grounded and balanced.
When your self-talk is always or mainly negative, or when you internalize only the negative, anger issues are likely to sprout up.
Remember, anger is not automatically a bad thing. It is a natural human emotion and we shouldn’t shy away from it or paint it in a negative way.
Battlefield Mind: Angry Thoughts and Feelings
I wish I could tell you that simply changing your negative self-talk to positive self-talk will fix your anger issues, but remastering how you think is never an easy process.
I can tell you that the first step is recognizing your negative self-talk. You won’t know what to change until you can point out what is wrong.
What is/are the major theme(s) of Negative Self-Talk?
Everyone’s are different.
Some people believe others don’t respect them. Some people believe they are worthless and once they internalize that pain it causes them to direct it outwards to other people. This is sometimes easier than looking inside themselves. Some people become angry after a traumatic event such as a death or abuse.
It takes time to process and to find major themes of anger. Some people are just more prone to anger than others. This doesn’t mean anything is wrong with that person, it simply means they need better anger management skills.
Anger is not just black and white. There are so many shades of gray.
Take a look at the feelings wheel above. Look at how many different feelings that are a part of anger. All of these emotions are natural and we are bound to experience them in life.
Not everyone displaying these emotions have anger issues. I can be sarcastic but that doesn’t mean I have issues with my anger.
It is when you are stuck in an endless cycle of angry emotions and unable to breakout that there is possibly an anger management issue.
Fear and Disgust are Anger’s best buddies. Someone experiencing anger issues and high levels of negative self talk are also likely experiencing these two emotions as well.
So What Are You To Do?
Seek help. Some people in your life may say “just be happy” but it isn’t as simple as that. There could be a reason or more likely many reasons you are experiencing anger issues. A trained professional will be able to help you.
It may not be the answer that you were hoping for but like I said before anger is a complex issue. It isn’t easy to begin and it isn’t easy to do it alone. Working with someone who knows what they are talking about is the best way to battle unwanted anger.
Psychology Today has a specialty field just for anger management. If you go to the website and search all of the mental health providers who specialize in anger management issues will be listed.
Hint: When you find a handful of counselors you think sound good, go to their website and look to see if they have anger management listed there as well. If they take the time to list it on their personal website, odds are that they have experience in working with anger management.
You are in control of your life even when it doesn’t feel like you have control of yourself. Seeking help for anger issues will benefit yourself, your life, and those around you.
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About my Blog
I love providing people with information. So in my blog you will find posts on topics such as: community resources, media suggestions, parenting questions, and informational posts.